Life Between 0 and 1

Having the unfortunate luck of having a mild cold on the eve of a new job, I was reflecting last night on my life to this point.  There have been several major milestones in my life that are easily recalled and thought about in vivid detail.  Graduating High School, getting my first real job, getting my first promotion, meeting my future wife and then getting married, buying my first house, having a daughter, etc.  I started thinking about everything as chapters in a book that isn’t finished yet.  I have not had anything earth shattering or life changing compared to anyone else and my book of life would be rather boring honestly.  Anyway, it was interesting none the less.

Thinking about my new job, a deviation from anything in my career thus far, I suddenly started feeling nervous about this new chapter.  I’m prepared, more so than other times, to start this job from day one.  No break in period or kicking the figurative tires.  They need me to start being productive and effective almost immediately.  The thought of trying to figure out my place while at the same time showing I already know my place is a little frightening.  I’ve never had to do that in any previous position I’ve started as I brought experience and knowledge to the table.  That was the reason I got hired.  This job is the first job in my life that I was hired because of my personality and demeanor rather than my technical knowledge or background.  Scary realization time!

I’m assured by the people soon to be my co-workers that I’m going to be successful at whatever I do.  Do they have to say that?  This is what I’m thinking most of the time when I hear things like that.  I’m my own worst critic and often will beat myself up more than anyone else.  It’s my way of learning from my mistakes, but will unfortunately give a perception to others that is often negative.  I’ve worked on this aspect of my personality for years and have improved, but still tend to head down that rabbit hole.  My biggest fear though is that I won’t be able to keep up the extrovert exterior when I’m at my core an extreme introvert.  Only time will tell in that case I think.

Have my fingers crossed!