Why Being Disliked Can Free You from People’s Opinions

“You must develop the ability to be disliked in order to free yourself from the prison of other people’s opinions.” – Mark Manson

I’ve spent the better part of a month thinking about the above quote, which has been largely attributed to Mark Manson, but I couldn’t locate anything specific that indicates where he first spoke it. Regardless, after a few weeks thinking about this it has started to make so much more sense. We spend so much energy and expend large amounts of effort to be liked by most of those around us. “How does this outfit look on me?” “Do you like my new car?” “Did you find what I made for dinner enjoyable?” And so, it goes like this for most people.

What I believe we honestly don’t realize is how strong that drive is to make others like us and we bend, shift, alter, and sometimes reinvent ourselves completely. I’m guilty of that for so many years of my life from around middle school through just about 5 or so years ago. I started to wonder why I allowed those around me, that I can’t control 99% of the time, to dictate how I lived my life or what I chose to say to others. It wasn’t some eureka moment or an epiphany, but rather a slow progression towards a healthier view where I choose how to act, talk, etc. instead of others influencing me. It makes sense when you honestly sit down and think about it. Is my life better, or worse, when I tried to get others to like me instead of finding those that accept me at face value and don’t force their views on me? I can confidently answer to the affirmative on this question. It’s better because I stopped living for others and started living for me. Those that didn’t get it are no longer in my life, but I have found others that have filled those holes.

Opinions from other people, especially when they are very different from your own, are toxic traps that self-reinforce the longer you allow those opinions to shape your own decisions. I now view opinions as they should be viewed, as someone else’s opinion based on how they see the world. If my view of the world is different, they’re choice at that point is to accept a different opinion exists or force their opinion and risk losing the relationship. It’s by far easier said than done. It took me a few years, accelerated by COVID lock downs, to realize the saying “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one,” is a blunt statement of truth. I respect that other opinions exist as the circumstances that created those opinions are as random as clouds floating in the sky.

The prison I experience is no longer dictated by those around me. Sure, I’ve lost friends, but I’ve also gained new friends that embrace and accept my blunt view of the world. Those that understand that my opinion is mine, and I don’t use our differences to determine who I can and can’t be friends with. Instead, I value differing opinions that are based on truth and facts as it leads to discussions with depth, color, and enthusiasm. Discussions that have in recent months helped to enhance my own opinions because I understood that I don’t know everything and there is always someone in the room that is smarter having a more enlightened view of things. The point is that I no longer change for others when their opinions are set in stone, like my Catholic Aunt that believes in all the fiction the bible has to teach. I don’t talk to her anymore but am cordial at family functions none the less. Her opinion does not force me to be mean or ignore her; I choose to not discuss anything related to religion and walk away when she does.