It has been over two years since I last wrote anything on this site. I do not know why I keep paying for it if I’m being honest. The passion that I one had has diminished as I’ve approached the age where the first number is 5. The idea that there is more time behind me than in front of me has driven a lot of what I say, how I act, and what I consider important versus irrelevant. No brainer, the irrelevant stuff in my life is significantly larger than what I consider important.
For example, my in-laws have been retired for over two years at this point, but my patience for them has practically disappeared. My father-in-law has Alzheimer’s and unfortunately is starting to really have problems with his cognitive ability and memory. I can now see the confusion on his face even with simple things causing me to pause, slow down, or repeat myself multiple times until it makes sense. Recently I just did what I had to do and didn’t explain it, had to get done no matter what. I made an executive decision in that moment. Am I callous or cold because of this? I don’t know.
My mother-in-law needs a knee replacement. She has delayed the process multiple times because of what my father-in-law is going through. I have explained to her, as has my wife, that if she can’t walk and get around, she is causing more problems than solutions. She is painfully, literally and figuratively, aware of the fact she needs to get her knee replaced. We are just go get it, we’ll handle things, but it falls on deaf ears.
Don’t hate me for saying this, but the “boomer” generation, in my experience, is angry and frustrated with people no longer listening to them or putting up with their entitled BS. They no longer have the control they once had, example, telling their kids what to do or trying to fix something that their brains say “yes” but their bodies are “hell no”. My parents aren’t much better, but at least they are mostly mobile and cognitively intact. I’m sure that will change in the future.
Therapy doesn’t help anymore because they’re saying the same thing over and over. Despite me doing things “different” or making a different choice to what I would usually do is no longer working. I am still as angry, frustrated, and depressed about most everything in my life. I’m forcing myself to write again so that all these thoughts in my head don’t continue to keep me up at night when I should be sleeping. I’m desperate at this point to find something that has a lasting effect on my overall life so I don’t have to keep repeating the same churning thoughts.
It may stick this time, it may not.
Life Between 0 and 1 
Let’s have a discussion!